In the words of Anita Blake, "...oh how the mighty have fallen."
It pains me to mention this but my 3 year relationship is crashing and burning in front of my eyes. I've tried to contain it into a "controlled burn" but I have a feeling that certain current events may make that impossible.
To catch you up, in November after months of therapy sessions, I realized that I had to talk to him about the future. After the year I've endured, I've realized finally that I do want to get married and have kids one day. Long story short, he realized that he doesn't want to get married or have have kids. Well that's a deal breaker conversation right there, so we've been trying to peacefully co-exist within the condo for the last few months. It had been going well until a week or so before our 3rd anniversary he claimed he didn't want to be intimate any longer due to confused emotions and attachment. I, being the very forward thinking, progressive female that I am, thought, "Wait what? No more sex? Aw man!!!" But out loud I said, "Okay, if that's how you feel."
At the time I didn't question it, but he withdrew and stopped touching me unless I asked for a hug or something. Last year for our anniversary, he sent me a big bouquet of flowers to Portland, which is where I was at the time. This year, he asked me on the 13th when Valentine's Day was this year. I knew he'd checked out then. He didn't get me card one. He gave me a 2 minute back rub and said that was my present. Then copped a feel and said he'd reneg on his "no-sex" policy for that night. I turned him down. Partly cuz I was on my monthly and partly cuz I was pissed off at him for pulling a major douche move. But even with his supposed "no-sex" policy, he still walks around the house naked. Now if someone told you they didn't think you should sleep together, but walk around naked, wouldn't you think they were teasing you or at least not serious??? He actually woke up one night while I was still up and flashed me purposely. I wanted to throw something at him. And then....the obsessive texting began. Now to clarify, he is in his late 40's and texts maybe 4 people on a regular basis. I'm the textaholic in his life so if he's not texting me....who the hell was he texting like that? You got it! Another woman.
Now do I feel like I have a right to be upset? Yes and no. I know our relationship is ending. He wants me to stay until I get on my feet again financially. He claims he really cares about me still and really cherishes our friendship. I have to live there until I can afford to move out and that could take a few months. Now, I understand moving on with your life, but don't f&%$ing wave it in front of my face. No woman with any sense of pride wants to have their ex parade the fact that he has moved on to someone else shoved down their throat. And I for one have a lot of goddamn pride.
So what do I do? Do I talk to him about it? Part of me wants to tell that I know so I can get this monkey off my back. But if I let the cat outta the bag, and it becomes ugly, I have no where else to live. I do not want to live in a hell hole for the next couple of months. But I also don't wanna be disrespected and lied to by omission constantly. UUUUUgggghhhh!!! I hate this! I hate feeling like this. If I could afford to move out I would be out like shout believe me! I'm really really pissed about it.....and last night I didn't sleep a wink.
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