Due to the fact that I have had "issues" finding MD's who really want to figure out what's wrong with me, I've begun seeing a chiropractor with a number of specialties. She's also a registered nurse practitioner, acupuncturist, and specializes in anti-aging, physical therapy, food allergies, nutrition, and Chinese medicine. I think she also might be able to walk on water too, but I didn't see a certificate on her wall for that.
So far so good though. I'm not trying to jump the gun, but the fact that the pain in both hips has decreased is a good sign. I'm waiting on my blood tests to come back and we'll see what those show.
The best thing about Dr.J isn't the stim therapy, or that back adjustments, or that she pops my ribs back into place. No. It's the fact that she really listens. She takes a detailed look at my medical history. She asks questions the rest of the MD's didn't have time for. How can you properly treat a patient if you don't have time to hear about what's wrong? Wouldn't you miss something?
I love the little portable stim therapy unit she gave me for home. I also really like the stretches that she gave me to do everyday. I'm going to get my gym membership reinstated so I can use the pool.
It's a start....and I'm thankful for that.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
What a frickin' year...
So yes it's been a long time since I blogged. But seriously, this has been one of the hardest years of my life.
When I began this blog it was to chronicle my fitness journey. I figured since I'd gotten laid off and was going to start my own business, I had the time to blog.
Well, during this time my foot and my hip began bothering me. The foot pain went away eventually, but the left hip pain continued. I thought it was just a tight hip flexor and I needed more yoga.
Late Oct 2009 - Soon after, I started having trouble sleeping. I'd stay up all night surfing the web or watching TV or just laying in bed not sleeping. I tried sleep aids but they didn't help after a while.
Nov 2009 - Then the the night sweats and chills started and worsened. I would freeze all night til 3 or 4am, but then if I finally fell asleep, I'd wake up dripping with sweat soaked all the way through my pj's and the sheets.
Dec 2009 - Then the weight gain began. Which REALLY freaked me out. Even though I was working out 5 days a week, I ramped it back up to 6 days. Then I gained another 5lbs. I looked at my food journals and decided to cut my starches in half. Then I gained 3 more pounds and couldn't fit into a pair of jeans. I had a break down. The 1st of many. I weighed and measured everything that went into my mouth. I drank more than a gallon of water a day. I stopped eating out with my friends. And I gained more weight.
Feb 2010 - I was working out like a fiend at the East Portland Community Center. They liked me so much they suggested I start teaching cardio classes. But my left hip was getting really bad. My last step class concluded and I followed it up with an epic leg workout. So epic in fact that I was dragging my left leg by the time I was done. Little did I realize that it would be my last. By the time I got home, I was in so much pain I was breathing like I was in labor. I fell down once I got inside and was stuck on the ground for a while...."I've fallen and I can't...." yeah. I was no longer able to sit upright for long periods of time. Therefore, sitting at my sewing machine was out of the question as well as any desk jobs. Major problem.
Mar 2010...And then I got rear-ended. Which caused my right hip to hurt along with the left. I had made an appointment with a doctor in Chicago for the following week to check my left hip, so now he had to check both. I ended up having 2 injectible MRI's and 2 regular MRI's. Both showing that my hips were greatly inflamed by stress fracture precursors. The right hip has mini cartilage tears. It was enough for them to tell me I wasn't allowed to do anything. And by anything I mean anything active. No walking, no running, no working out, no bike, no nothing to keep me from becoming fatter.
As you can imagine, not being able to workout when you're so used to working out is rather hard to get used to. It can also cause you to become frantic when no one seems to be able to figure out why you're gaining so much weight. So I freaked out even more. I stopped eating all starchy carbs. No more oatmeal, oatbran, bread, ww pasta, potato, nothing. You'd think this would help.....it didn't.
So I went to an endocrinologist. She told me I "probably have PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) and because of that I'm probably doomed to struggle with my weight for the rest of my life". Yeah, I teared up. I realized she wasn't listening to me when she suggested I try Weight Watchers or their in hospital food service. She gave me a prescription for Metformin. It's a drug for people with type 2 Diabetes. It sometimes helps women with PCOS, but it only has limited effectiveness. I never took it and I never went back to see her again.
Apr 2010 - I went to see "the best endocrinologist in Chicago". He tested my thyroid and said it was under active. The retested and said it was fine. He said he wished he could help but doesn't know how to help me...and to come back in 3 months for retesting. I haven't been back to see him.
May 2010 - I went to see yet another endocrinologist. She listened to what I had to say and thought based on all of my health issues, hips included, that I had Cushing's Syndrome. This started 2 months worth of testing. Self-esteem was lower than it's been since I was a teenager.
Jun 2010 - Hip doctor told me there wasn't much he could do to help me, but he wishes he could. So I pinned my hopes on the endocrinologist for help. Maybe she could unravel the riddle. *hoping hoping hoping*
I flew home to be in one of my best friend's wedding. I still feel like I ruined her wedding pictures by being the "fat" one. My weight went up so fast I had to re-order my bridesmaid dress. I died a little inside when that happened.
In the end, although half the tests showed my creatnine and cortisol were through the roof, the other half showed up normal. Normal....I'd begun to hate that word. So she recommended I go see yet another endocrinologist who specializes in helping obese patients with diet and healthy lifestyle strategies. I never went to see her.
Checked in with my primary physician. I had been her healthiest patient until this year and figured she'd be intrigued to try to help me find some answers. I filled her in on my hell hole of a year and she informed me that all the doctors had done good testing and that I should get used to the fact that I might be one of those people that "is destined to be overweight no matter what you do." I decided that I was destined to never step foot in her office again.
Enter frantic self-loathing thoughts.
Jul 2010 - Started seeing a psychologist to help deal with depression. Birthday dinner was a nice evening, but it's hard to celebrate with you feel like crap.
Aug 2010 - I started working out with Brian. Upper body workouts and 10 - 20 min walks. He started me on some joint health supplements. I started feeling better. On a scale of 1-10, my pain was at a 3 most days. Seeing my psychologist was really helping. My outlook on life was better than it had been in months.
It was going well until during one of the walks my hips started hurting so bad I almost didn't make back home. The pain went back to an 8-9 level for several weeks. That stopped the walks and the workouts.
I withdrew into myself.
I started reading alot of books and ignored the world. I flew home to see family and friends.
Sept2010 - Hip doctor doesn't understand why I'm still in pain. Most people with stress fracture precursors would have healed by now.
I flew to Texas/Arkansas to see family. Earned a free round trip flight with Southwest.
*Side note: flying w/ disability assistance is very helpful, but uber degrading.
Oct 2010 - Finished reading all 19 Anita Blake books and got really into football season, college and NFL. Pain level went from a 6 to a 9 by the end of the month and my weight reached a record high. I've never felt so incredibly unattractive in my life.
Nov 2010 - A friend suggested Dr. Cynthia Jaffe, chiropractor and acupuncturist, to me for help with my health probs. I also decided to try and see another internal medicine doctor besides the one I'd been seeing for the last 2 years. I asked him on the phone if he was willing the help me figure this out, because I don't want to waste his or my time. He said he'd do his best. We'll see. I refuse to feel hopeful about seeing either of them. If I expect they won't be able to help, it saves time feeling disappointed later. That way if they can help, it's truly a pleasant surprise.
I know I'm smart, well educated, articulate, witty, and strong. But this year has really pushed me to my limits. My confidence has taken major hits from my physique changing and the lack of work. I had made plans and all of them were crushed with my failing health. My hips feel like they have gravel in them. I walk and sometimes with each step I could literally scream with pain.
Overall, I'm pissed and disappointed.
Pissed because conventional medicine has failed me and taken alot of what little money I have left.
Disappointed because I have so many things in my life I want to do and my body is failing me. I want to travel. I want to get married and have kids. I want to go back to the gym. I want to take a walk. I want to feel like I'm worth something again. I'm also disappointed in people. But this has shown me who my real friends are.
Will I ever get back to what I was doing before all of this? I don't know. This experience has changed me and my outlook on many things. But my priorities have definitely changed.
When I began this blog it was to chronicle my fitness journey. I figured since I'd gotten laid off and was going to start my own business, I had the time to blog.
Well, during this time my foot and my hip began bothering me. The foot pain went away eventually, but the left hip pain continued. I thought it was just a tight hip flexor and I needed more yoga.
Late Oct 2009 - Soon after, I started having trouble sleeping. I'd stay up all night surfing the web or watching TV or just laying in bed not sleeping. I tried sleep aids but they didn't help after a while.
Nov 2009 - Then the the night sweats and chills started and worsened. I would freeze all night til 3 or 4am, but then if I finally fell asleep, I'd wake up dripping with sweat soaked all the way through my pj's and the sheets.
Dec 2009 - Then the weight gain began. Which REALLY freaked me out. Even though I was working out 5 days a week, I ramped it back up to 6 days. Then I gained another 5lbs. I looked at my food journals and decided to cut my starches in half. Then I gained 3 more pounds and couldn't fit into a pair of jeans. I had a break down. The 1st of many. I weighed and measured everything that went into my mouth. I drank more than a gallon of water a day. I stopped eating out with my friends. And I gained more weight.
Feb 2010 - I was working out like a fiend at the East Portland Community Center. They liked me so much they suggested I start teaching cardio classes. But my left hip was getting really bad. My last step class concluded and I followed it up with an epic leg workout. So epic in fact that I was dragging my left leg by the time I was done. Little did I realize that it would be my last. By the time I got home, I was in so much pain I was breathing like I was in labor. I fell down once I got inside and was stuck on the ground for a while...."I've fallen and I can't...." yeah. I was no longer able to sit upright for long periods of time. Therefore, sitting at my sewing machine was out of the question as well as any desk jobs. Major problem.
Mar 2010...And then I got rear-ended. Which caused my right hip to hurt along with the left. I had made an appointment with a doctor in Chicago for the following week to check my left hip, so now he had to check both. I ended up having 2 injectible MRI's and 2 regular MRI's. Both showing that my hips were greatly inflamed by stress fracture precursors. The right hip has mini cartilage tears. It was enough for them to tell me I wasn't allowed to do anything. And by anything I mean anything active. No walking, no running, no working out, no bike, no nothing to keep me from becoming fatter.
As you can imagine, not being able to workout when you're so used to working out is rather hard to get used to. It can also cause you to become frantic when no one seems to be able to figure out why you're gaining so much weight. So I freaked out even more. I stopped eating all starchy carbs. No more oatmeal, oatbran, bread, ww pasta, potato, nothing. You'd think this would help.....it didn't.
So I went to an endocrinologist. She told me I "probably have PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) and because of that I'm probably doomed to struggle with my weight for the rest of my life". Yeah, I teared up. I realized she wasn't listening to me when she suggested I try Weight Watchers or their in hospital food service. She gave me a prescription for Metformin. It's a drug for people with type 2 Diabetes. It sometimes helps women with PCOS, but it only has limited effectiveness. I never took it and I never went back to see her again.
Apr 2010 - I went to see "the best endocrinologist in Chicago". He tested my thyroid and said it was under active. The retested and said it was fine. He said he wished he could help but doesn't know how to help me...and to come back in 3 months for retesting. I haven't been back to see him.
May 2010 - I went to see yet another endocrinologist. She listened to what I had to say and thought based on all of my health issues, hips included, that I had Cushing's Syndrome. This started 2 months worth of testing. Self-esteem was lower than it's been since I was a teenager.
Jun 2010 - Hip doctor told me there wasn't much he could do to help me, but he wishes he could. So I pinned my hopes on the endocrinologist for help. Maybe she could unravel the riddle. *hoping hoping hoping*
I flew home to be in one of my best friend's wedding. I still feel like I ruined her wedding pictures by being the "fat" one. My weight went up so fast I had to re-order my bridesmaid dress. I died a little inside when that happened.
In the end, although half the tests showed my creatnine and cortisol were through the roof, the other half showed up normal. Normal....I'd begun to hate that word. So she recommended I go see yet another endocrinologist who specializes in helping obese patients with diet and healthy lifestyle strategies. I never went to see her.
Checked in with my primary physician. I had been her healthiest patient until this year and figured she'd be intrigued to try to help me find some answers. I filled her in on my hell hole of a year and she informed me that all the doctors had done good testing and that I should get used to the fact that I might be one of those people that "is destined to be overweight no matter what you do." I decided that I was destined to never step foot in her office again.
Enter frantic self-loathing thoughts.
Jul 2010 - Started seeing a psychologist to help deal with depression. Birthday dinner was a nice evening, but it's hard to celebrate with you feel like crap.
Aug 2010 - I started working out with Brian. Upper body workouts and 10 - 20 min walks. He started me on some joint health supplements. I started feeling better. On a scale of 1-10, my pain was at a 3 most days. Seeing my psychologist was really helping. My outlook on life was better than it had been in months.
It was going well until during one of the walks my hips started hurting so bad I almost didn't make back home. The pain went back to an 8-9 level for several weeks. That stopped the walks and the workouts.
I withdrew into myself.
I started reading alot of books and ignored the world. I flew home to see family and friends.
Sept2010 - Hip doctor doesn't understand why I'm still in pain. Most people with stress fracture precursors would have healed by now.
I flew to Texas/Arkansas to see family. Earned a free round trip flight with Southwest.
*Side note: flying w/ disability assistance is very helpful, but uber degrading.
Oct 2010 - Finished reading all 19 Anita Blake books and got really into football season, college and NFL. Pain level went from a 6 to a 9 by the end of the month and my weight reached a record high. I've never felt so incredibly unattractive in my life.
Nov 2010 - A friend suggested Dr. Cynthia Jaffe, chiropractor and acupuncturist, to me for help with my health probs. I also decided to try and see another internal medicine doctor besides the one I'd been seeing for the last 2 years. I asked him on the phone if he was willing the help me figure this out, because I don't want to waste his or my time. He said he'd do his best. We'll see. I refuse to feel hopeful about seeing either of them. If I expect they won't be able to help, it saves time feeling disappointed later. That way if they can help, it's truly a pleasant surprise.
I know I'm smart, well educated, articulate, witty, and strong. But this year has really pushed me to my limits. My confidence has taken major hits from my physique changing and the lack of work. I had made plans and all of them were crushed with my failing health. My hips feel like they have gravel in them. I walk and sometimes with each step I could literally scream with pain.
Overall, I'm pissed and disappointed.
Pissed because conventional medicine has failed me and taken alot of what little money I have left.
Disappointed because I have so many things in my life I want to do and my body is failing me. I want to travel. I want to get married and have kids. I want to go back to the gym. I want to take a walk. I want to feel like I'm worth something again. I'm also disappointed in people. But this has shown me who my real friends are.
Will I ever get back to what I was doing before all of this? I don't know. This experience has changed me and my outlook on many things. But my priorities have definitely changed.
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